One minute I’m blogging about my new life in Los Angeles (including the introduction of Shakira my car and her diva antics), the next I’m pouring out my heart about the most difficult Good Friday I ever had, and then there’s always the worst blog you’ll ever read… And I wrote it.
My blogs change themes like some people in LA change diets… Lemon Detox, anyone?
Today, prepare for yet another detour. I hope you’re up for the ride.
One minute you’re walking into your local café, and the next, you’re hanging out with Adam Levine… And his tattoos.
I guess that’s how it happens in Hollywood. Fine with me.
About a week ago, my roommate Jess and I walked into a new brunch place we were trying out, because I do brunch these days. We were seated at a small table for two in the middle of the restaurant. Though we felt a little like the fish in the glass bowl, with booths all around us, we had already waited half an hour and just ready to have a relaxed, late morning endless coffee and chocolate-chip pancakes. Because I’m a grown up and I can order that stuff now. Those who don’t understand, judge away.
I was relaxed… Until I opened the menu. In a breath I went from stress-free to stress-ful, fending off a minor anxiety attack. Why?
Confession #1: The more options there are in a decision-making process, the worse I am at reaching a verdict.
For example, I can make leadership decisions for days (bro), my dad taught me to go with my gut instinct when I worked for him for a billion years, or like six years. Thanks dad. But ask me to choose an outfit to wear tomorrow, or what I want to eat for lunch? Chances are we’ll be here for a while and I’ll ask your opinion about a thousand times.
Confession #2: I can’t remember the last time I decided what to eat for lunch without consulting my friends at work. #thestruggleisreal
So, when I opened that menu to see five-pages of brunch options? I was looking like I had just been discovered lip-syncing (totally just had a flash back to that Lizzie McGuire movie). I was suddenly questioning my taste buds… Did I want sweet or savory? Healthy or junk? Pancakes or bacon? Or both? Could I have both?
… And just as I was about to actually ask if I could get fat-free bacon pancakes… I saw him. Over my menu. Dancing to the country music coming through the sound system.
Adam Levine. And his tattoos. Eating French toast.
I forgot about the pancakes and ordered coffee and French toast. I’m easily swayed like that.
So I sat there, eating brunch with Adam Levine. And his tattoos.
I mean, we were at different tables, across the room from each other, but we totally made eye contact. I sat there trying to pretend I didn’t care. Unfortunately, I played it about as cool as Elsa did singing, “the cold never bothered me anyway,” while she throws off her only remaining source of warmth. I was not my usual cool, calm, slightly crazy self in the middle of that café.
After a while Adam left. Without me. But it’s whatever because through his final glance, I’m pretty sure he was saying we’d catch up soon. We’re tight like that. We can communicate through simply a look.
This morning I went for a run. With Adam Levine. And his tattoos… I think he’s stalking me?
Once again my morning started with Jess. She woke me up on her way to kickboxing because she’s super healthy and annoying amazingly motivated like that. Me? I was my slobbering, needing caffeine, birds-nest hair, freckly, beautiful morning self.
Kickboxing vs. Slobber. Get your life together Murphy.
I felt convicted. So I stumbled out of bed and put on my favorite exercise outfit, my shiny black tights (to suck in all that In-N-Out burger goodness) and a black flowy tank. That’s right, all black. I like to think of it as a funeral for my fat. I was ready to run. Around the block. For like ten minutes.
I pressed start on my customised running playlist. For me, my music is a combination of big musical theatre numbers (for motivation and distraction), Taylor Swift (because she’s my BFF and I’m supporting her music) and Kanye West’s workout plan (it just seems relevant).
I was coming around my final corner, making good time, singing along to Dreamgirls, smiling that the sun was out, and feeling satisfied that I was getting endorphins. Because endorphins make you happy. Duh.
As I turned the corner I saw a couple of people ahead, walking slowly and taking up the entire path. Seriously people, it’s not that difficult. Walking on the right, passing on the left. I’m from Australia and I’ve got it down!
Slightly annoyed, but with the love of Jesus, I sped up to pass through the middle of them.
And then I spotted him. Adam Levine. And his tattoos. Walking. Taking up the entire path. I guess it wasn’t that much of a big deal. The path was kind of small. I’m sure it was an innocent mistake.
I passed him and giggled, like the cool, calm, collected person I am. What? The cold never bothered me anyway.
So, in the space of one week, I’ve had brunch with, and gone for a run with Adam Levine. And his tattoos. I’m waiting for our relationship to be announced in Us Weekly. Anyday now.
Oh, and the next time you feel like staying in bed? Go for a run. The next time you feel like eating breakfast OR lunch? Do brunch.